Fragments of a Smile
by TheWayOfLife
Summary: Yullen. Allen finally can't take the pressure of seeing the Fourteenth every day. Oneshot, Yaoi  but barely any .


**Authors Note: **_This is actually something I'm writing for my other story. I don't know what pairing I want in it yet, so I am trying to see what I feel more comfortable writing, yullen or laven. Remember this is a _yaoi_, don't like, don't read._

**Disclaimer: **I do not own d-man

Allen strolled down the corridors, feeling so out of place it was almost painful. He kept his eyes on the ground, avoiding the eyes of the finders, scientists, exorcists, and above all those of the face he saw everyday in the mirror.

Out of sight out of mind, right?

Right?

For the past couple weeks now he'd had to live with it, looking at himself and at the same time seeing the dreadful, cold, emotionless face of the fourteenth. Scratch that, the fourteenth had emotions. After all, he laughed at the sorrow and fatigue that plagued Allen everyday of his life, didn't he?

Maybe that's a bit unfair, Allen wasn't entirely sure that is what the demon was always smiling about. He could be day dreaming about the destruction of humanity, or imagining all of the Order dead, or thinking about the day he could finally become the Earl and use the Noah for his own needs. Could be any of those things, too.

As it was, Allen felt as though his energy was being drained by the 14th. It didn't go unnoticed, either. Multiple times his friends had asked him "Are you okay?", and all he could bring himself to say was "Yes, I'm fine." He was eating less too, something unheard of for Allen.

As bad as he must of looked to others, the looks he could feel being thrown his way weren't helping much. Sometimes he would walk into a room and the group that had been previously chatting away inside would suddenly go silent, as if Allen were death itself, come to suck out their souls.

Today he was finally reaching his breaking point.

"Yo, Allen! S'up?"

"Beansprout."

Allen turned to face his friends, plastering a smile on his face, hoping they wouldn't see through his mask.

"Lavi, Kanda. Good to see you both. Back from your mission so soon?"

Lavi laughed heartily.

"It was easy! For once we only met with three akuma, and they were all level one's!"

Allen's smile grew wider, if that were possible. He felt like his face was cracking in half.

"Glad to hear it."

A frown was settled into Lavi's features, and Kanda's scowl grew deeper.

"Hey, Allen, you don't look so good."

That was all it took to set him off.

Whose fault was it that he "didn't look so good"? Whose fault was it that he hadn't been getting any sleep lately, too busy trying not to have those awful nightmares again? Whose fault was it that his stomach turned at the thought of food, even though he so desperately needed to taste Jerry's cooking and reenergize his aching muscles? Whose fault was it that he hadn't laughed in ages, and all of his smiles were only a façade so that his friends wouldn't be able to see his pain?

Allen knew exactly whose fault it was.

He turned around and faced the wall-length mirror, glaring at the ever-smiling shadow that stood behind his reflection. The shadow waved to him merrily, the very symbol of innocence.

Allen lost it.

He began punching the glass over and over and over again with all his strength, willing it to shatter into a million fragments so that he never had to see that stupid figure again. He didn't stop even when his hands started to bleed. His eyes were on the fourteenth the entire time, until the glass was so cracked and smeared with red that he couldn't make out its face anymore.

He was vaguely aware of two people yelling at him and pulling at his arms, trying to drag him away from the mirror. He let them pull him back and then tore from their grip, racing down the corridor to his room and locking the door.

A few moments passed, and then a fist was banging against the wood.

"Bean sprout, if you don't open this fucking door, I will break it down."

"Go away."

"Absolutely not."

Kanda began kicking at the door, and could feel it was about to give way when suddenly a soft _click _could be heard. He lowered his foot to the ground and cautiously peered into the room.

Allen was sitting with his back against the side of his bed, face in hands.

"I can't do it anymore, Kanda. I really just wish it would all disappear."

He wasn't listening very hard, so was very shocked when Kanda was suddenly standing in front of him, having managed to walk soundlessly from one end of the room to the other. Peering through the cracks in his fingers, he could make out the brown boots he was wearing, old and battle worn.

Without warning, Kanda grabbed Allen's wrists and pulled the boy roughly to his feet.

"Don't ever say that again, moyashi."

Allen stared into the dark cobalt eyes. Even though they were blue, he always felt there was a red color there too, a fire that burned so far deep into their depths that it was barley perceptible.

"But Kanda, I have nothing to live for." he said sadly. The fire grew more intense, and Allen feared he might burn if he didn't look away. At the same time he was too captivated to break eye-contact, like a mouse staring down the gullet of a snake.

"Then I will give you something to live for."

Kanda kissed him. It was gentle and slow, Allen could feel how very soft Kanda's mouth felt against his own, contrary to his personality. He parted his lips, breathing in the scent that had so suddenly enveloped him greedily, like it was the last bar of chocolate in the candy store.

Kanda broke the kiss and stared down at the white-haired exorcists.

"I love you, Allen walker."

"I love you too, Yu."

**Gah! I'm not used to writing romance. At all. Review please =)**


End file.
